what's been going on so far?

Welp the hubby and I got the tree up.. the lights up outside... decorations are up.. all the gifts are wrapped... and now I have to plan what we are having for Christmas Eve Dinner... oh I came home the other day and saw water on the garage floor.. I didn't think about it too much.. come to realize our freezer in the garage went out... so we thought that the freezer in the basement might work.. it was a long shot considering the freezer was here when we bought the house.. well we found out why they left it here.. it does not work.. :sigh:.. so luckily we only had 3 things in the freezer.. 2 bags of ice.. and a 45 pound turkey.. which was to be used for Xmas Eve dinner.. well we had to drive the turkey to my father in law's house ... haha my poor husband had to do that.. so he was in the car with the turkey.. hehe poor guy. .. luckily we got to the turkey in time and it was thawed out at all really .. so yay...

so far i've been working like 2 to 3 days at the school... the children there don't amaze me at all anymore.. I found out one kid..a 14 year old in 6th grade had a very large tattoo on his arm of his name... I stopped him and asked him about it.. and he said a friend of his did it for him.. i was like uhmm.. what type of friend would do that for you .. ugh .. no amazement at all at this point...

oh my cats still have fleas.. which is completely irritating at this point.. i'm hoping that they will no longer have fleas soon.. we dosed them with frontline .. twice already .. sprayed and cleaned everything!.. gah.. i had one jump on me.. so grosss.. i killed it good too

so i'm trying to apply for another job .. I can't just be working 2 days a week.. I mean i love the kids they are awesome sometimes that is.. but it's just not enough money at this point.. :sigh:.. i applied for a few jobs dealing with mental health.. since i have a BA in Psychology hopefully i'll get something sooN!..

I can barely see right now.. i love my cats.. but i'm allergic to them lol//... touched a kitty... touched my eye.. and now it's puffy.. you would think that i would learn by now.. oh wellz


orite goin to watch some dr.phil lol laterz

you don't scare me anymore

tears slide down my face
my head is down
you act like you are so much better
but you don't realize what you are doing
your creating a monster
as i keep the feelings inside
they build up good
they hurt real bad..
i start to believe what you say
so i go on with my life
the words you said in my head
i'm full of hate
but no one knows how things are
i keep repeating what you said
it hurts so bad
i hate myself
i start to slash.. at my skin
i don't feel .... nothing
the blood it flows so sweet
my life it fades.. into black..
no one cares
you said it yourself
and now you see what you did
i am gone
no more me

haven't felt this low in a long while...

Is feeling pretty depressed ... I haven't felt this overwhelmed since I lived at home.. and I was working full time.. going to school.. and trying to maintain a relationship with my boyfriend.. who is now my husband.. I think it's the period talking.. but it could also be the walls crumbling around me.. I don't know anymore.. I feel very much alone.. is it even worth it anymore... :(

Immaturity.. money problems..

It amazes me to see people my age who own houses that they should not own.. The houses cost 10 x's too much than what they can afford, and then they wonder why they are in a bind.  I know of a couple who bought a house out of their means.. and the partner got sick and now they are having to pay medical and mortgage bills and they are in debt.. well when I bought my house my husband and I took into consideration everything.. if he lost his job.. if he got sick.. and yadda . we can live here in this house for over a year paying for the car and the mortgage and ya it would be tight..but we would still be comfortable.. and it just shocks me that people don't think.. especially my age!@..

Why don't people learn!  Young people.. you will have problems if you buy out of your means.. even if my husband decided to get a better job.. and he got paid better we decided that we would continue to live like he was making this last amount he was making.. why is that hard to do?.. i mean i understand that if you make more you tend to spend more.. so why not put the money in the bank .. and not leave that open .. dunno i guess we have been taught differently .. everything we make either goes to savings or retirement.. and ya we are young.. but ya know life flies by.. might as well be safe than sorry no?.. ugh..

and it just amazes me how people can be like that.. don't you think?.. i mean we bought a foreclosure because we knew we couldn't afford a nice new house.. we bought this house.. and ya it needed work .. but we did the work.. and now we are living comfortably and enjoying this home.. :sigh:...

ugh so on the health note. I'm still coughing.. but I do feel WAY better than i did a few weeks ago.. I'm kind of happy that i didn't go to work today .. I bet the kids are carrying their germs.. and I really don't want to be getting sick again ...

Tomorrow will be turkey killing day .. 5 turkeys are getting slaughtered.. eww.. and I'm going to be so traumatized.. I've never killed an animal intentionally .. . creepy .. oh well we'll see what goes on tomorrow..

not bouncing back as fast as i thought i should be

So i've been sick for over 2 weeks.. Whoever said that young people bounce back fast is a liar!.. unless i'm just getting older.. :(.. All i know is that i had the flu for a week.. and bronchitis for another week.  So i was pretty much out of work for a while.. I was on some strong antibiotics.. which sucked.. not to mention my birth control does not work when I'm on them.. so boo.  oh and i had a bad reaction to one of the drugs i was on.. I was breaking out in hives. so that was not fun.. So I'm hoping to go back to work tomorrow.. and these pills I'm taking say .. "stay away from people who are contagious".. uhm I work in a school.. that is just a pee tree dish of germs!.. so hopefully I won't catch anything..

So i don't know if I mentioned that my folks own chickens and turkeys.. looks like Tuesday will be turkey killing day ... and I'm not looking forward to that.. I really thought we were going to take the turkeys to a butcher shop.. but nope.. the parents want to go out and kill all 5 of them on that day O_O.. I won't be traumatized at all.. considering all the food i eat or get from the store is usually wrapped up in plastic.. and I don't see it getting killed.. .. so I'm nervous about that..

So nothing else really going on right now.. just been super tired a lot lately .. oh I had a messed up dream too..
I was apparently being stalked by some guy who kept sending me letters about how he's going to rape me then kill me or something.. and I was trying to hide out at my cousin's house or something and he left a letter there.. and yadda.. I think I watch too many movies.. and this is my sign to stop doing that lol I'm also wondering if it was all the drugs i've been taking lol oh well

alright well i'll stop posting now.. cuz I'm getting tired and I think I'm gonna go to bed..

night yall

i've got

So i went to the doctor and he says i have bronchitas.. i'm really close to getting pneumonia.. so i have to be on antibiotics. and hopefuly it'll kill this infection.. i'm coughing up blood because of the infection in my lungs.. so boo.. so hopefully i won't fully get pneumonia.. and i have to see the doc on friday to see if things are working.. so fun times.. :dies:

Quick update before I go to the Doctor..

So I've been sick for over a week already .. i started out being sick on the 8th.. i started to feel muscle aches.. coughing.. sneezing .. and headaches.. and sweating.. and just feeling blah.. in the middle of the week I decided it was time to use vicks to get this stuff out of my lungs.. after that I just kept coughing.. I've been coughing like this for over 4 days already.. and all those 4 days I've been coughing up blood in my mucous.. so I have to go to the doctor to see if I have Pneumonia... because the blood is getting worse and I keep coughing.. A LOT.. so hopefully we'll see..